Erika and I stood face to face.
I remembered the things I had been thinking on my way over to my sister Patti’s house. How was I going to handle this situation with Erika? What was the best way to approach her so that I didn’t scare her or cause her to react in a negative way? Could I interest her in her own health and well being by letting her know that her Aunt Debbie needed to lose weight as well?
Perhaps she and I might work on our dilemma together.
I remained calm, smiled, and asked, “How are you doing? What have you been doing since school got out?”
“I’m fine. I think I’m going to be starting summer school next Monday.”
Little did she know that I had another plan in mind. With that initial bit of small talk out of the way, I told her that her mom had been real concerned about her weight. I told Erika what the doctors had told her mother. “Do you understand what this means?” I asked her.
“Yes,” she acknowledged, “I understand.” Then with the most sincere look on her face she said to me, “Aunt Debbie, I know I have a problem. I know I need to lose weight but it is really hard trying to do it all by myself.”
Bingo! That was the door that I needed to open. I replied, “You are absolutely right, Erika. I am having the problem with being overweight myself. So I have an idea. I want you to come stay with me for the next four weeks. I want us to work together and help each other lose weight by eating healthy and getting more exercise. I want to teach you about your disease. You need to understand why you cannot eat anything with protein and why there are certain things you must not do.”
She looked around her room at all the posters. She pointed to the one featuring Taylor Swift. “That is what I want to look like. I know I will probably never be that skinny but I would sure like to try.”
“All right then. Let’s do this together. But I have two conditions: one–absolutely NO cell phone. You cannot call or text message your friends every ninety-seconds. And two–you cannot see your mom or any other family member for the entire four weeks. Is that clear?”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she said, “Okay.”
“Good, then gather some clothes, two pairs of shoes, and let’s go. You have five minutes to call or text message your friends to let them know you will be out of touch.” Then I walked out the door.
When the five minutes was up and I walked back into her room, I found her ready to go. “Did you make your calls?” I asked.
“Yeah, I called one girl. I know she will spread the news fast.”
“All set?” I ask.
“I guess so,” she said.
I returned to the living room where my sister, my daughter and friend Denise were all waiting to see the outcome of this event. Patti was really surprised to see how easy it was getting Erika to agree in taking this challenge and at the same time a sign of relief came across her face. Patti’s burden with this matter had been temporarily lifted and she was praying inside for good results. Erika and her stood in the doorway clinging to each other, both crying, saying their goodbyes.
Arriving at my home, I showed Erika her room. I gave her strict orders: “This room is to be kept clean. Your clothes folded. The bathroom kept clean at all times, as well as your own personal hygiene. Every weekend we will wash the sheets, plus mop and dust your room. Agreed?”
“Yes, Aunt Debbie.”
“Good. We are going to begin early tomorrow morning. I know you like to sleep all day and stay up at night, but not in this house.”
“All right.”
The first morning was tough for Erika, but she was up at my first call. Not happy but awake. I had always been a firm believer in the fact that people can change most any situation within thirty days if they think positively. I knew that the way Erika had been taught to care for her self was not going to work. She had little knowledge and no self-discipline. I did not believe that a parent could simply tell a kid to do this or that. A child, or any person, has to understand why they are being asked to do something. A solution to any problem has to begin with the proper mindset. That was my strategy: to get inside Erika’s mind and help her to think in a different way. Then I knew we had a chance to make things change for the better. I knew from my own experience that all kinds of exercise and every type of dieting in the world would not make a difference to someone if that person was not shown how to change his or her thinking.
I explained to Erika, “This is going to be difficult for you. You’re going to have to change your lifestyle and your habits. First on our agenda is walking. We are going to go early in the morning since it is so hot here. That is the best time of day. I’m going to take advantage of these walks with you and use them as our time for talking. I hope this will help you to open up and let me know where you are with things in your life. If I understand where you are and where you want to go, then I believe I can help you. And, likewise, you can help me.”
“What about the pool?”
“If you’d like to go to the pool that would be great. And we can use the workout gym I have here in the garage. We will do all of these things together.”
“I’m hungry,” she said, sounding plaintive and childish.
“I know. So am I. But I need to explain to you about foods. How some are healthy and some are not. About how to read labels and to know what is good for you and what is not. Why there are some things you cannot trust no matter what they say. You need to learn when to eat and how much to eat. But most importantly we need to figure out how much protein is in each serving size, as well as understand things about fats, sodium, and calories.”
The look on Erika’s face told me I was giving her way too much information at one time. “Listen,” I said, “I realize that learning to live differently may be terrifying at first, but I also know that with each day we will gain a little more confidence and let go of a little more pain. Can you do this with me?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Okay, then let’s deal with one more thing this morning. Your mom says that she has to constantly remind you to take your medication. You are supposed to take three in the morning and two at night. Is that right?”
“I guess.”
“No. You cannot guess. You have to know. Erika, if you can tell me all about the singers you love and the actors you like and the scary movies you’ve seen then that is proof that your memory is fine. You are now sixteen years old, and problems or not, remembering to take your pills should be a simple task.”
When Erika did not respond or even look up at me, I said, “I know I sound tough and hardhearted but if I do nothing else but correct this problem for you then I will feel like I have accomplished something big. But I need your help to do this. I want you to understand right now that this isn’t just about you, about saving your life. This is about saving your mom’s life too.”
This time Erika did look up. This time the tears fell from her eyes and ran down her cheeks. “Do we have a deal?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said.
“Good girl. Go get your walking shoes on.”